Many people I know grow up in faith communities that discourage people from asking questions. I grew up in that kind of church. Of course, it didn’t work. I was learning to be a critical thinker in school and I had not yet learned to compartmentalize so I brought that critical thinking to Sunday school, worship services and church meetings. And my mom would shush me and discourage my questioning. (Then I asked my questions in whispers.)

I also learned that I wasn’t supposed to be angry. I wasn’t supposed to rant, rave or go on tirades. It wasn’t ladylike. It wasn’t Christian. It wasn’t …. Safe. It was better to hold things inside and resolve them within myself. 

I understand the cultural and religious roots of these teachings. I also pushed back against them. I pushed back as a teenager, and I refuse them now. 

I was glad to see some of this refusal in social media in the last weeks. As the United State presidential election resulted in clear foresight into a world that is less free and inclusive, I saw people take to their platforms and rant. They questioned God, society, procedures, friends and family, and shared their mixture of fear and rage.

And I’m here for all of it.

Sometimes we need to ask questions and throw things. 

We can question and rage at society, our colleagues, our systems and our God. It indicates that we know that something is amiss. It reveals our values and the gap we feel when reality is so far from the ideal. We should question the things we thought we could trust. We should question when things don’t make sense. And society, systems and God can handle it. 

Because sometimes the questions reveal something about us … but lots of times, the questions and anger are the portals to change. They show us where we need a change in our ideas, expectations, systems, world and faith. And while they don’t show us the way, they get us solidly on the path.

I know that today is “Giving Tuesday” and you are probably getting a gazillion emails about ways you can give. I’m suggesting you also give yourself some grace. If you were taught not to be angry or question, or if you feel even a tinge of guilt when you do … give yourself a big heap of grace. 

Because sometimes it’s ask questions and throw things.

Dr. Monica