​Did you know I ran a home health care agency?

I fell into it because I was helping to care for my mom. I always knew my mom would come to live with me. I grew up with my grandparents living with us at different times during my childhood, so it was just always on the table for my mom and me. When I dated I would say, “So how do you feel about … because it’s going to happen at some point.” And when I finally got out of graduate school, I told my mom, “Whenever you want to live with me, just let me know.” 

My mom had her own life, friends, church and community activities in Michigan. She was in no rush to leave them. Until my daughter was born. After six weeks of being Grandma to the cutest little thing in the world, she was ready. And I was not turning down loving reliable help. 

Years after “the big move,” it became clear that my mom could use some help. And as more years went on, “some help” became “lots of help” and then “live-in help.” So I took over my mom’s finances – explaining to her what I was doing along the way, and … hired help. 

Before long, I had applications and hiring interviews; I was running payroll and securing workers’ comp insurance. I ran this company in California and Delaware, adjusting to the very different labor laws in each state. I’m not going to pretend it was easy. I had a full-time job and a young child to care for as well. And I wanted my mom to be as happy and comfortable as possible. In this process, I also got to meet some amazing women who feel that caregiving is a part of their life’s calling. Many became family to us. 

I could do all of this because my mom trusted me to know what she wanted and to execute it. My mom didn’t have a demanding personality, so she would tell me the big picture of what she wanted. “I want to be at home.” “I want to be with my granddaughter.” “I want to see my sister.” And I arranged what that would look like every, month or year. Given a choice, I’d would still be doing this if it meant having my mom with me in spirit and body. 

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I have no desire to run a home health care company again. Ever. But I did this because in her younger and healthier years, my mom got her insurances, and made sure I had the authority to manage her affairs – paying bills, filing taxes, buying and selling property, and having the care she needed near her family.

This is far too atypical in my communities. But I wish this for everyone: to think about what you want, articulate it, provide for it and ensure your loved ones have what they need to help you. Or to have the clarity and resources to help your loved ones in the space between youth and health and the transition to becoming an ancestor.

Dr. Monica