I feel like I’ve been writing this book forever. One reason is because it addresses one of those big questions that drives my overall academic work. So I’ve been chipping away at my ideas about this topic in different ways for the past 23 years.
But the contemporary version of this book began in 2012. I was about 3-4 months pregnant with my daughter and I hadn’t publicly shared about my pregnancy, but I was showing and it was fairly obvious in person. I was giving a series of lectures at MTSO (Methodist Theological school in Ohio). I remember these well because (1) I was queasy and kept needing to sit down and (2) it was the first endowed/ names lecture series I was invited to give. It spanned over 3 days and because it was in the Midwest, my mom took off work, drove to Ohio, and attended each lecture.
I recently shared this story with a friend and tearily recalled one of the things I miss about my mom – she understood what a big deal my professional milestones were. My mom had a PhD, but she wasn’t a university professor like me. But she knew. She knew which lectures and publications and promotions were a big deal and she knew to show up. Just ask my professional colleagues – they all knew my mom … because she was there. At my inaugural lecture, at a conference in Jamaica, named lectures, lectures at the schools I graduated from, book signings, all of it. Like I said, she knew to show up. I miss being known that way.
This same friend’s daughter is working on her doctorate and my friend said that she hopes that she hopes that she can understand her daughter’s career well enough to show up for her kid like my mom did for me.
“Oh I’m sure you will” I immediately replied.
Because it’s not that my mom cracked the code on academic advancement milestones. It’s that she listened to me. She listened to my hopes and exclamations and dreams so she could see when I was reaching my own goals. Even if it felt like I was stumbling into them. And she cultivated a relationship where I would share all this with her.
“So,” I assured my friend, “you totally got this!”
As I listened to my own words, I realized what a big part of love this is: listening, rejoicing and showing up. I assumed my mom knew what I was talking about, but the odds are high that she wasn’t tracking each thread of my different ideas that would take over a decade to turn into book form. But she was tracking me.
This is not a note about parenting. It’s a post about love. It’s about listening and showing up. I hope you have or have had people in your life who listen to you and show up. I hope you are showing up for someone you love. It’s the best thing ever.
Dr. Monica
